i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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