cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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