Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
