I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
