There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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