How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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