This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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