Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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