im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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