I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
