Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
