I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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