I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
