i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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