i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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