It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
