im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
