I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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