can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
