My hand turned me down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
