Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
