i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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