i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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