I CAN MOONWALK!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
