if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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