i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
