come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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