I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
