i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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