I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
