I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
