the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
