Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
