dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
