i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
