I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
