Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
