Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
