the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
