i don't like sucking hair
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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