so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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