u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
