yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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