my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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