perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
