I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
