my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
