Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
