the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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