You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
