These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
