my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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