I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
